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We decided to try out the local hospitality and have had two bad hookups. I would hate to see you deprived of release (and see your recovery set back!) if your employee was there only that one time.įollow Alison Green on Twitter husband and I are visiting Italy right now. I’m going to give myself the last word here: You’ve been attending that JO club for months and saw your employee there only once, JACKS, so I think you can risk going back at least one more time. “If someone who reports to you is in a sexual situation,” said Green, “you should keep moving and give them as much space as you reasonably can.” However, gay managers who run into employees at events like Folsom or circuit parties shouldn’t ogle, hit on, or photograph their employees.
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But a private club that’s organized specifically and primarily for sexual activity is in a different category.” And it’s not reasonable or practical to expect managers to entirely curtail their social lives or never attend a public event. “A private club is more intimate, and a public event is, well, public.
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“Public events are different from private clubs,” said Green. Should gay men in management have to skip events like Folsom lest they run into men they supervise? Gay men (and others) walk around in various states of undress or dress up, and a lot of flirting, groping, and more goes down. While I had Green’s attention, I asked her about other sorts of gay social events that might toss a manager and an employee into a sexual context-think of the thousands of men who attended the Folsom Street Fair in San Francisco last month. Or he could start his own club and offer a safe haven for other managers hiding out from potential run-ins with employees-Jacks for Middle Managers or something!” “I’m hoping it’s possible for JACKS to find a different club in a neighboring town. “It’s never going to feel fair to have to drop out of a private, out-of-work activity just because of your job,” said Green. And Green agrees-it isn’t fair-but with great power (management) comes great responsibility (avoiding places where your employees are known to jack off). It seems crazy unfair to me that you should have to stop going to parties you not only enjoy, JACKS, but that have aided in your recovery. “In an employment relationship where he’s in a position of power,” said Green, “JACKS has a responsibility to avoid any remotely sexual situation with an employee.”
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“I hate to say it, but now that JACKS knows his employee attends these events, he really has to stop going,” said Alison Green, the management consultant behind the popular Ask a Manager advice column () and the author of Ask a Manager: How to Navigate Clueless Colleagues, Lunch-Stealing Bosses, and the Rest of Your Life at Work.Īnd why do you have to stop going to your beloved JO club? I want to continue attending Jacks, but what if he’s there again? Frankly, I’m terrified to discuss the topic with him. I realize he has every right to attend Jacks, as much right as me, but I wish he weren’t there.
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It could even have dangerous HR consequences.
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I’m his manager at work, and I feel that being sexual around him could damage our professional relationship.
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I freaked out, packed up, and departed without him seeing me (I hope). Although I’m openly gay at my workplace, being naked, erect, and sexual in the same room as my employee felt wrong. I feel like I need this! Unfortunately, I spotted one of my employees at last week’s event. As someone recovering from sexual abuse, I find the party to be safe, therapeutic, and just sexy fun. I have a secret: For the past three months, I’ve been attending a local Jacks club (a men-only masturbation event).